By David Lohr

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(Continued)

Moving on, once I made all of my selections, I clicked on the search button and within seconds there was a gallery view of members, 90% of whom were photographed in their birthday suits with "woodies" (excuse the pun) all of their very own. Don't even ask how many have the word "WOODY" as a part of their screen name.  Not only that, but I was also presented with hundreds of results.  Perhaps there is something in the water in North Carolina?  Well, I knew this search was going to take several hours, so I rubbed my eyes in hopes some of the men would reappear clothed (it didn't work) and began to browse each profile.  I did this one by one....all night long.

I did not want to rely entirely on Tami's description about the photo Woody allegedly used on the site, as he could have changed it to a different one.  My game plan was to pay more attention to the overweight nude guys. 

So as I am browsing these profiles late last night, I suddenly heard a sound in back of me.  I turned around and there was my wife with look of horror on her face.  One can only imagine what she was thinking at that moment.  Here I am, sitting in front of my computer, looking at a screen full of overweight naked men.  Yes, oh yes, my editor will receive a bill for the years of counseling I will need to endure once this is all over.  Well, as my wife picks her jaw up off the floor, I explain to her what I am doing and assure her she need not file for divorce, as I have no plans of changing my sexual preferences.  She then had a good laugh at my expense (I will never live it down) and I was left to continue drudging through hundreds of pornographic profiles.

When midnight rolled around, I had just about given up on finding Woody's profile. I finished up my story and emailed it to my editor.  However, before turning in for the night, my eyes aching from the overexposed overabundance of flesh, I decided to take a few more minutes to look on that website again.  I was annoyed.  Woody has become a bit of an obsession with me.  Ask my wife, she hates the mention of his name.  I'm like a pit bull on this guy and I don't want to let go.  Perhaps I've watched too many "Dog the Bounty Hunter" episodes?  Possibly, but more likely it is the fact that he's disgraced my line of work, calling himself a writer, taken an innocent life and in the process made me search through hundreds of male private parts looking for him. 

At any rate, I'd lost track of time and by 1:30 this morning I was practically asleep at my keyboard, just about ready to give in, when one last click of my mouse revealed what I had spent hours searching for.  Yes, I found Woody's adultfriendfinder.com profile.  Now don't get too excited, he did not put a whole lot on it.  Regardless, it was worth all the trouble I went through getting it.

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Contact  David Lohr at           pa_crime_writer@velocity.net

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